Mambo Yote: A nation reborn

Welcome to the New Kenya. We are in a new forest but the monkeys are
still the same.

Plenty has happened in the last month or so in Kenya. No wonder we are
an international country. Firstly we held a historic referendum on the
4th of August and we all turned up in large numbers to reveal our true
colours of green/red or yes/no. Once we did that we were free to
become colour blind again. One thing for sure is that Kenyans love
queing. I think we are the world champions of lining up. Remember the
sim card registration?

The results came out and the greens had more votes than the reds
though in the end every voter actually won as Kenya showed that it was
ready to move away from the scars of 2008. This time again the people
led the leaders. Let's continue reading that document to understand it
fully. Dual Citizenship is here to stay. Reds became chameleons and
turned green wanting to implement what they said was bad and
unworkable. Only in Kenya does the word principle have no meaning at
all. Power and privileges must be retained at all cost.

Then came the promulgation ceremony. A new word for Kenyans which has
been used for everything. "Let's promulgate that Ugali" said some
cheeky fellow as they were having nyama choma for lunch. 27th August
was declared the big day where the new constitution was promulgated in
front of a mammoth crowd at Uhuru Park. In attendance were several
heads of state current and retired, eminent persons, distinguished
guests, greens and chameleons. New constitution new politicians
please. Let's not recycle the garbage that is clamouring to be
governors, senators and mp's.

We removed and showed all our military hardware and now our neighbours
know what we have been hiding all these years. Some were new and
others were newly painted. Missing were the Ukranian T72 tanks that we
'bought' 2 years ago. Maybe we sold them. The cloudy skies denied us
the chance to see the new F5 and F5e we bought second hand from the
Jordanian Air Force but those we shall see next month during Heroes
Day (formerly Kenyatta Day). Even Bashir who is not known for
attending many parties due to some argument with the ICC which I
thought was the International Cricket Council was in the house. We
should have invited the guy hiding in Afghanistan. He too may have
come. Gatecrashers galore were present as even Pattni had an invite
and he sat next to the Judiciary. Wonder what they discussed.

As we argued/denied about who we should have been invited to the
promulgation the national census results were released. This time they
were released a year later as usually they are released ten years
later. Well done. The numbers showed or 'telled' that we have been
busy in the past decade. Indeed some have been busy producing while
others have been busy heckling and shouting. Our brothers from east
have been transforming from refugees into Kenyans at an alarming rate
and the North Eastern population shot up by 140%. Curiously the
population in Mogadishu went down by 140%. Did enumerators cross the
border to count people?

The Western guys did not disappoint as they provide a vital workforce
which is the backbone of our fragile economy. The central chaps need
to reduce on the drinking though the recently passed Alcohol Bill
seems to have their full support. The celebrations were evident.
Obamas relatives claim that the yellow yellow girls whom they have
been engaging with are classifying their children as from central
hence the reduced numbers. As for my people down by the beach we are
more than I thought so keep it and muendelee vivyo vivyo.

Sympathies to the Indians who were not counted as Asians but as
Somalis. Asians were the Chinese only who are building the roads.
Halfcastes/halftribes/wakosa kabilas say they were discriminated
against as their tribe 'Kenyans' was not in the final figures. Other
controversial/illegal groupings were also not in the final tally. All
in all 38 million people is still many with half men and half women
though this is debatable.

David Rudisha may not have been widely known a month ago but the new
double 800m world record holder is the most popular Masai around. This
amazing 21 year old has done Kenya proud by breaking the 13 year old
world record twice in ten days. Well done Rudisha you have made Kenya
proud by rudishaing/returning the record home.

Harambee Stars are the shame of the moment. Apart from Oliech who
trains in F2 I don't blame the players but wholesomely blame the
management Football Kenya Ltd. Someone once said you cannot let a
standard 3 teach standard 5's, neither do you let a matatu driver
handle an aeroplane. The coach is absolutely crap. How could we lose
to Guinea-Bissau? Where is Guinea-Bissau? It is a tiny island in the
Atlantic off the West African coast. It has a population less than
Embakasi constituency. Shame shame shame. Something needs to be done
yesterday. The Nigerian preacher who was at KICC over the weekend
should be enlisted. At least he has a following.

Condolences to the families of the Okiyos, Kiboros and Mwitis who have
lost dear loved ones in the last week or so. May the Almighty be with
you all and may the rest in peace.

See you soon and have a blessed week!

Mambo Yote

Its been a while since I last wrote so I offer my sincere apologies
over my absence. So much has happened locally and internationally over
that period but two significant things come to mind.

The first is the recently concluded soccer World Cup hosted by Africa
through South Africa. We must as Africans take the full credit and pat
ourselves back for a show well done. Incredible we hosted it without
few hitches and the show went well. A few strikes here and there and
some journalists robbed but their valuables were recovered. Don't know
when we will host again as a continent but the memories and especially
that Jabulani ball will live long. Holland and Argentina will be back.

Now apart from Ghana whom I must say represented us well save for the
hurriedly taken spot kick by Asamoah Gyan (not forgetting Uruguay's
Luis Suarez) the rest of the African teams were an embarrassment. What
happened to Cameroon, Nigeria, Cote d Ivoire, Algeria and of course
hosts South Africa (they actually tried by beating France)? Where were
Etoo, Song, Yakubu (who can forget that miss?), Odemwinge, Kanu,
Drogba, Toures', Kalou, Pienaar, Tshabalala, Chachou, etc? I felt
cheated and robbed as the stars we eagerly awaited to see shine never
appeared at all. My o my they were bad bad bad. They need to apologise
to all those who watch and adore them when they play for their club
sides. It seems the national sides for them are not serious issues. No
more Naija movies or songs for a while.

Now matters local and the referendum is here with us again. At least
the month of soccer made time go fast as the politicos traversed the
country spreading their message on how each and everyone understands
or misunderstands the current and proposed constitution. One thing for
sure in my house bananas, oranges and water melons have been banned
till August 4. And this includes offertory which is suspended till the
4th as well. In terms of clothes only blue, grey, black, yellow, pink,
indigo, violet, maroon and turqoise coloured will be worn. White is
also acceptable too.

My proposal which I will champion after the referendum is we must put
a zero value on land so as to reduce competition for land. In Angola
the whole country has one title deed and all land belongs to the
state. It is then loaned out to people or groups for development
purposes for the benefit of the people and the state. One thing I will
welcome is Dual Citizenship. I look forward to taking up Brazilian,
Cuban, Jamaican and Australian citizenship for a number of reasons.

Final message is I wish the Prime Minister Raila Odinga a speedy
recovery, and encourage President Kibaki to continue with zeal he has
shown in the last few months and congratulate Chirau Ali Mwakwere for
his recent victory. We await with baited breath for what Mwakwere has
in store for us as for sure we know he will definitely surprise us.
Dzipapa Dzipapa Dzipapa!

Have a great week :)

Mother Africa

I must apologise for having gone AWOL or missing in action for a
while. So much has been happening and there has been a bit of travel
so living in and out of a travel bag has been the order.

First things first. Condolences to our Nigerian brothers and sisters
for the loss of their President Yar Adua who passed away last week.
Sad that he passed away but the whole secrecy and intrigue around his
health could have been avoided. We in Africa seem to be allergic to
death and illness and consider them taboo. No it shouldn't be that
way. It is very natural to die and it is human to be sick.

Kenya takes a great deal of the international limelight at present.
Dubai put in place stringent measures recently on visa requirements to
Kenyans who want to visit or transit through. You were required to
have a degree to get a visa. That was indeed tough and it took some
begging, pleading and admission of diplomatic incompetence to get that
order thankfully rescinded. Once again it exposed our beloved
country's lack of clear cut foreign policy. What we are good at is
appointing friends, relatives and political rejects to plum diplomatic
postings as recently witnessed.

The push for a new constitutional order takes centre stage for the
next few months. Two key issues and a third have emerged as
contentious, controversial and excuses that will be the focal point as
whether to vote YES or NO in the forthcoming referendum. Kadhis
courts, abortion and land form the basis of the argument. Politicians
true to form have come out in their true colours giving their own
original interpretations of the draft. Their levels of imagination are
unbelievable and a lie said many times sadly beomes the truth. I ask
the mwananchi to read the draft and make up your own mind. Those of us
who are priviledged in understanding matters legal better should take
up the mantle and institute voluntary civic education on the masses.

The church leadership should not engage politicians in a tit for tat
fashion. Continuing to do so will make one wonder the say "birds of a
feather flock together". As for now one can't tell the difference
between politicians and men of the cloth as they all seem to be
babbling the same thing. What is clear is Kenya my country is in dire
need of a new constitutional order that will embed institutional and
political reform, social justice and equitable distribution of
resources. Rooting out corruption and proper environmental stewardship
of our natural resources is a must without argument. In simple terms
we need to clean up our house and put it order in a peaceful and
civilised manner.

Ocampo Ocampo Ocampo. Who is this Argentinian with a Luo sounding name
that keeps sending shivers down the spine of some? Presently in Kenya
and loving every moment of it, this man carries the silent hopes of
many a Kenyan whowere affected directly or indirectly by the 2008 post
election violence. Working under the banner of the ICC the lawyer
prosecutor is currently in Kenya to set the ball rolling on nailing
the bad boys of Kenya political scene. The hurdles he will face are
many as their is bound to be resistance to his efforts. All I can say
is good luck sir. If in doubt ask John Troon for tips.

I have been told that I focus too much on sports at times so I will
try and keep it at a minimal. (Try is the key word). The Soccer World
Cup kicks of next month and Africa will be the focus as the continent
hosts this glorious event courtesy South Africa. Ideally this time
round from the 6 African countries will participate boosting our
chances of lifting this coveted trophy. Apart from hosts South Africa
we have Ivory Coast, Cameroon, Ghana, Algeria and Nigeria in the
running for glory. The likes of Drogba, E'too, Kalou, Kanu, Obi Mikel,
Yakubu, Song, Anichebe, Odemwinge, McCarthy, Pienaar, Dindane, Hassan,
Nomvete who are our African stars or our genuine African millionaires
through sheer hard work and not corrupt methods will be hosting other
mega soccer stars in the likes of Messi, Rooney, Torres, Chamakh,
Ballack, Fabiano, Ronaldo, Terry, Gattuso, Park, Donavan, Lampard and
Peter Crouch among others. With all these names our continent the
focus of the world will solely be Africa for 30 days exclusive. Never
before has that happened before in its entire history for non
political reasons. So the naughty boys had better be on their best
behaviour for that period. One thing for sure is the withdoctors will
be in big business as they work on ensuring their teams come good.
FIFA has even acknowledged and accredited them so do not be surprised
if an African country lifts the World Cup trophy. During last years
Confederations Cup, the Spanish soccer team complained of too many
Africans in the stadium with their vuvuzelas. All I can say is that
you ain't seen nothing yet. More of us are coming to fill the stadiums
and the streets of South Africa in a carnival mood to blow those
vuvuzelas in your faces. Hello hello welcome to Africa.

On a more personal note congrats to Kenya Harlequins rugby for winning
the Kenya Cup and well done Tottenham Hotspur for getting into next
seasons Champions League.

The volcanic ash from Iceland once again showed us that Mother Nature
is indeed boss and that we must act responsibly to the environment or
else she will get angry and erupt again. Indeed there are forces
greater than man out there and at times we need a subtle reminder.

The elections in the UK have produced a hung parliament. Our advice
from Africa is simply form a coalition goverment all three parties and
share the posts eqaully : Prime Minister and two deputy Prime
Ministers. Have a national accord which can signed in front of the
Queen and witnessed by all the African ambassadors. After all its
working in Kenya and Zimbabwe so why not UK. Then after that their is
need for a constitutional review in the UK to ask the people whether
they want two centres of power or one. A referendum can be held there
too. Do we want the Queen or is it time for a strong presidency in the
UK? This is the advice from Africa.

Have a good week:)

African Presidential Style

Only in Africa are things done in the African way. I want to briefly focus on 5 African presidents who are standouts in their own way.

Nigeria - Umaru YarÁdua. The current original existing Nigerian President. Hasn't said a word or been seen in months. Took off to Saudi Arabia for medical treatment four months ago and allegedly sneaked back to Nigeria 4 weeks ago. Nobody has seen him including the acting present visible President Goodluck Jonathan. With a name like that he definitely needs all the luck he can get.

Sudan - Omar Bashir. This is one real tough cowboy as long as he is within the confines of Sudan. Currently on the ICC watchlist with a warrant of arrest on his head, he is facing modest opposition in the April general elections. However his focus seems to be the election monitors whom he has told he will cut off their fingers if they interfere with the elections. Imagine not having fingers to make a phone call in Sudan. Try and arrest him.

South Africa - Jacob Zuma a.k.a JayZee. The ultimate male multi-tasking machine. 5 official wives, the presidency, 2010 World Cup coming in June, JayZee one would have thought has his hands full but amazingly he is still engaged to another fiancee. The (closet) role model for many an African man when does he get time to run the country? Nobody dares ask him whether he is coming home for dinner and what time he came home or whether he has had a shower.

Zimbabwe - Robert Mugabe the ultimate defender of the oppressed depressed Zimbabwean and African people. He is the one who has defied all odds. Sanctions don't hurt him or bite him. Still in power and Morgan Tsvangirai believes he is power-sharing? Bob has indicated that he is willing to answer the call of the Zimbabwean people and stand yet again as president. Firmly in control of army, police and prisons, how can he lose an election?

Libya - Muammar Gadafffi. He is the King of Kings and unofficial President of the USAf (United States of Africa). Did not want to relinquish the AU presidency which is held on a 12 month term but finally relinquished it in a huff after being told NO by other leaders. For someone with ambitions of being President/King of Africa the advise he gave Nigeria on how to solve their tribal/religious clashes was shocking. He asked that the country be split into two - christian Nigeria and moslem Nigeria. Talk about African Unity. (Has nice bodyguards though.)

And finally who is this Makmende that everybody is talking about? I dare say Makmende for President in 2012.

Mambo Yote – 10th March 2010

I must apologise for not having penned my thoughts in a while but the month of February actually went much faster than I would have imagined. The 28 days allocated to it were effectively used up completely. Nevertheless I will attempt to do a brief on the month itself.

Heroes

My heroes of the month happened to be sportsmen and with good reason. Congratulations and well done to the Kenya Rugby 7’s team for such an outstanding performance yet again during their IRB rugby tours in Wellington and Las Vegas. It was in Vegas that they actually stole the show getting to the semi-finals after having beaten England in one of the grittiest matches they have ever played. With hundreds of Kenyans (legal and illegal status) watching them live in the stadium they played world-class rugby yet again. Those of us who remained back home for lack of airfare to Vegas were kept watching on telly the whole night and we too were jetlagged by the time Monday morning reached. Personally I slept the whole of Monday just to enable me recover for the week. Many others I know were in the same boat.

AFC Leopards SC and Sofapaka FC also joined my list of February heroes as they brought a glimmer of hope that Kenyan soccer is down but not really completely out. AFC thumped some Ethiopian team 3-1 at home and it was good to see a Kenyan soccer team winning an international match. Sofapaka (or Sofameeauw or Sofapussy as some Gor fans would say) also showed some promise as they held Egyptian giants Ismailia to a nil-nil draw in Nairobi. For a new young team they did well. Last year Gor Mahia was beaten at home 5-0 and Mathare were done the same 2-1. So this is definitely a big improvement.

MacDonald Mariga captured our minds as he became the hottest Kenyan soccer property on the market as Manchester City sought to sign him. In the end he went to Inter-Milan where he quickly settled into the team. World class players we have here in Kenya. They just don’t get an opportunity to market themselves properly due to the constant wrangling of the soccer authorities here. (Is anybody listening?) MacDonald all the best mate as you take the Kenyan soccer dream higher and higher. At least we shall be privileged to have a Kenyan playing in the Champions league even if it’s on the bench.

The Kenyan athletes who continue globetrotting around the globe and winning road races everywhere we continue to salute you. The Kipkeyeye, Kipkemimi and Kipkesomebody continue to confound and astound as they keep showing the rest a clean player of heels. I’m sure the other foreign runners in their minds are cursing and shouting ‘Mulika Mkenya na shika yeye’.

Politicians too get a brief pat and this time it is to the PSC committee on Constitutional Affairs. They went to Naivasha argued for seven days and drank for seven nights but in the end they did come up with a common stand and Constitutional draft document which they agreed and smiled in front of the cameras with their hangovers. For that they join the group of heroes and heroines and only for those seven days which they were accountable to the public. After that they all went and disowned parts of the document they agreed upon and normal service had resumed.

The last group of heroes and heroines is the Kenyan mwananchi for his continuous resilience. Being a Kenyan is not easy as you have to keep up with a lot of crap that happens around us. From circus performances of politicians and their ilk, traffic police who are counting stars during the day and letting traffic in Nairobi be the worst nightmare during the day you can endure and of course PSV drivers in matatus, City Hoppas, KBS and other private carriers as well as survive the Likoni ferry daily. If you can endure all that and at the same time continue paying high taxes then you my friend are a true hero/heroine of Kenya.

Villains

I will try and not dwell too much on the villains as they bring out negative energy but the first are matatus and traffic policemen. These two birds of a feather are driving Nairobians nuts with their bad manners. They are both a high contributor to the incessant traffic jams we are experiencing 24 hours a day in Nairobi. Surely something must be done about this as it is ridiculous to be sitting in a vehicle for more than 4 hours everyday and going nowhere.

Still on traffic matters the other lot are the careless drivers who caused a lot grief on the highways and we saw unfortunately plenty lives lost. Yes you got it PSV drivers and the lorry driver cousins worked hard at this in February. Tragically many lives were sadly lost. This is a cancer that collectively must be eradicated. Road Safety is paramount. No bets for guessing which ministry this is.

G4S were at it again and this time nobody really knows how much went as it was just too much money. At last count it was at least Ksh 300 million (exchange rate $1 – Ksh 76). Surely there must be something seriously amiss with the employment policy of that organisation. They must be the newest and quickest pyramid scheme in Kenya. The usual jokes are out of course ‘Ponyoka na Millioni’, ‘Gone 4 Sure’, ‘Gone in 4 Seconds’, etc, etc. Some of the fellows involved have been arrested after having bought new fridges, plasmas, mekos, slippers and furniture in one go and all in cash. These guys really don’t have ideas. They can plan but have no clue how to spend or go underground. For starters you don’t go to your rural home to hide. The system is so efficient (yes it works) and the local sub-chief will smoke you out and make life hell together with his AP’s for your clansmen. Mind you G4S are still recruiting everyday.

AFC Leopards successfully manage to be here too. Three days to travelling to Ethiopia they suddenly discover that half their players don’t have passports, birth certificates and other identification documents. They go ahead and fire 3 of their five coaches (too many coaches) and suddenly don’t have a training ground. This only happens in Kenya unfortunately. The outcome is they however made it to Ethiopia and were dumped out 3-0.

High Drama Moments of the Month and beyond

These are never short here in Kenya. Entertainment by politicians and some religious type people have filled our plates to the brim.

Firstly my fellow coastal Chirau Ali Mwakwere lost his seat as an MP and all sides of the divide had plenty to say on this. Some rejoiced, some cried as the flag was lost and some simply said good riddance. My own opinion I will keep to myself but all I know is the new Likoni ferries have not yet arrived from Germany. Chirau did not (and has not) gone down fighting. He continued being the Minister even after being declared a non-MP and went ahead to dismiss the KPA MD. When you go down you don’t go alone, you drag someone with you in the mud and this he did in style.

The Ruto-Ongeri circus provided more drama as high level jabs were thrown around with each side flexing its political muscle. By the time the dust settled the two Principals were busy doing other stuff and you and I tax-payers were left wondering what was going on here. Everybody is still in office and life goes on. Ongeri released the Form 4 results where there were cheers and tears across the country. Ruto continued and maize in the country is plentiful.

I never watched Tusker Project Fame so I had no clue who Joseph Hellon was until this February. A saxophonist and a church leader I am told he led (or leads) a high-level celeb church in Runda and his biggest prize, I mean disciple is one Ester Arunga. This pretty lady used to liven the screens reading 9pm news and is quite articulate. Whatever drama that happened in their church only they themselves know but they have provided us with a soap opera never seen before in Kenya in a long time. Even Jeff Koinange was a distant second in this drama. Hellon a.k.a. Nimrod Onyango Omondi and Ester are living some high (believe me high) lifestyle and they have dropped some serious names as their acquaintances e.g. Larry King, Tiger Woods, Colin Powell, Sarah Palin, Benny Hinn and Pepsi. Their other acquaintance and now we hear Ester’s husband is one Quincy Zuma Wambiti Timberlake a.k.a Fizzle Dogg. This is not a program on telly but ‘Days of Our Lives’ made in Runda. You don’t get bored when these three are around. What is the knockout punch is that Hellon (Omosh) and Ester Timberlake want to be President and Vice-President come 2012. The name of their party? The PLACENTA Party. Why that name? Because Kenya is in a gestation period.

And with that I close my article for today. Have a blessed week and I do hope to pen something again soon.

Taking You Back - Quinzone 4th April 2005

2005 Kenya Cup campaign begins.

Quins started the 2005 on a bright start by thumping Nondescripts 53 - 18 in the first match of the season. Nondies who have bought players into their camp including some from Quins raced to a bright start and even had the audacity to go into the break leading.

However Quins shifted into gear and came back a charging side and tore the white shirts to pieces. They ran in tries at will with Sidney Ashioya, Felix Ochieng, Alan Makaka and Pascal Wetukha time and time again forcing the the Jamhuri based side to back pedal. ln the end it was song and joy in the stands as Quins grabbed 5 points for the win which included a bonus point to perch themselves at the top of the log.

Nondies for all their money could buy conceded that they lost to a SURE, STRONG, SUPERIOR QUINS.

It was all gloom for the Red Lion as their second team were also on the receiving end going down 12-3 to the Quins seconds. Well done lads keep going all the way.

A truly memorable weekend for the Quin it was. A good crowd turned up at the ground over the weekend and it was good to see long lost faces back on the terraces. Keep coming people. We need you!

Next game on Saturday at the Railway club vs. Mwamba.

Have a good week.

ONCE A QUIN ALWAYS A QUIN
TO BE A QUIN IS A WAY OF LIFE
A QUIN NEVER GETS DRUNK, JUST GETS TIRED

Cheers People

Herbert Mwachiro...

PS: 1. Our Catholic Brethren and Sisters we are together. 2. Charles and Camilla enjoy the wedding night and stock up on viagra.3. The Quins Queens have begun training.

WATCH TAWA BY HERBO: Mambo Yote - 13th January 2010

WATCH TAWA BY HERBO: Mambo Yote - 13th January 2010

Mambo Yote - 13th January 2010

A visitor just landed in Kenya would imagine that Kenya as a country is in the middle of a serious crisis with all the negative news one reads in the media. True true they wouldn't be far off from the truth but the reality is that we are a developing crisis nation (DCN). It seems that Kenya is permanently in a state of crisis. We thrive on political, social, environmental crisis on a day to day basis. If there is no crisis then something is not right.

Lets take this week for instance. Our daily bread crisis especially in Nairobi is traffic. Traveling within Nairobi from east to west or north to south is a nightmare. For one the roads just cant cope with the volume of vehicles in this city. We are buying more vehicles faster than we can add tarmac. There is no vehicle recession in Kenya and even if Toyota recall cars there will be no impact in Kenya. Talking to the traffic police who lately seem to have become spectators in traffic matters one officer told me that the road works being carried out and the new KBK's on the road simply means they are stranded in what they can do. I for one believe the traffic police have no coordination whatsoever in how they control traffic. They are an integral part of the problem. I will not even dare mention matatu's and buses in this Nairobi as they deserve a whole article on their own. To sum it up transport in Nairobi (and by extension Kenya) in a national crisis and nightmare.

Matters governance and the government is caught up in all sorts of scandals that keep it quite busy at taxpayers expense. This weeks leading soaps revolved between Free Primary Education (FPE) which is proving very costly and the never ending maize scandal that keeps rearing its ugly head every now and then. Children in the public schools are inevitably the casualties in the FPE crisis which I'm sure we shall feel the impact in years to come and that will inevitably have damaged our intellectual and educational capacity in some form or another. Before we have been producing half baked students now we are threatening to make them raw/uncooked if this matters are not addressed urgently.

For a country that some months back was begging for food we seem to have too much maize around and this maize is in the hands of the wrong people. A sweet deal here and there it seems our national economic appetite for maize is quite high. You apply for 1000 bags of maize to sell you get given 20,000 bags. You don't apply for anything but if you are connected but you get 5,000 bags to sell. Somehow the value chain is long and the various buyers and middlemen all very well connected make an easy buck and by the time the consumer gets to buy the maize it is already a costly item. And because the consumer has no choice they just end up buying this highly priced product. Meanwhile as a result of those sweetheart deals a few more mansions in Runda have sprung up and more tax free Prados, Lexus, Mercs and Range Rover Sports have landed in Mombasa and are being driven around by busybodies enjoying maizy benefits.

There seems to be too much milk in the country at present. Not too very long ago there was a drought and cows were dying in their numbers as there was a lack of pasture. The brief El Nino rains of December seem to have transformed things very much and now cows are producing too much milk to our annoyance. Too much in fact the milk packaging companies cant buy the stuff as there’s just too much of it. New KCC (new as in?)the largest milk buying organisation in Kenya has been turning farmers away and this has seen milk going too waste and being poured by the roadsides. What such waste for a country that was with begging bowls a few months ago. We are now showing our extravagance. Surely by now milk prices should have been reduced so that those who had dropped milk from their diets can resume this vital bit of nutrition. This would at least push more volumes in the market and absorb a bit more milk from the supply line. Instead there have have been accusations and counter accusations flying all round. Some cheese experts have appeared on the scene claiming to have new revolutionary methods of producing cheese from sour milk. We surely are not serious!

Flowers galore this week it is and predictably as it happens every year the flower firms are on strike in Naivasha and other flower producing areas. For those who believe in Valentines the price of the rose stem has suddenly shot up to an unbelievable price. One can buy more food than flowers with a bunch of roses. This is a indeed a red flower crisis that occurs once a year.

Don’t try getting sick soon as the public hospitals have exhausted all their stocks of medicine. Apparently there is no money to buy drugs. Though more and more GK VW Passats keep flying past us overlapping on our roads in total disregard of the traffic act and the ten commandments.

Lets move to sports and its no better as this week news filters out that AFC Leopards who are playing a continental match tomorrow against an Ethiopian team only had 8 registered players in the competition. Apparently they failed to beat the deadline due to serious differences that were threatening the club. I don’t know if I’m being a pessimist (for today only) but it is only in Kenya that we manage to do things very very wrong. How can a team that is preparing to play an international tournament not have registered its players in that competition? Luckily for them having the right friends in high places quickly resolved that but seriously that’s not the way to do business.

Thus article is dedicated to a good friend and relative of mine Adnan Ali who passed away tragically last night in a motorcycle accident on our highways. I say rest in peace bro as your loss is too hard for us to fathom at the moment. Our hearts cry for you and our thoughts and prayers are with your family. Aunty Alice, Ali, Sakina we are together. May the Good Lord be with you Adnan.

Mambo Yote - 6th February 2010

The year is on as we are well into February. This is the shortest
month of the year and it goes pretty fast. Its a relief when it comes
as January is one month everybody would like to forget. Right now I'm
sitting in some cold place with temperatures at 3 degrees yet today
theres a bit of sun. The men are in heavy coats but the women are in
skirts, tights and boots. Can't understand how they are not freezing.
I'm dressed like an Eskimo and everybody surely can tell I don't
belong here.

Anyway the Africa Cup of Nations came and went and congrats to Egypt.
In the end they were the deserved winners. The young guns from Ghana
tried and deserve some accolades too. Somehow despite all the hype of
the tournament I and many other sports fans felt cheated. Where were
Samuel E'too, Didier Drogba, Kolo Toure, Alex Song and Yaya Toure
during this tournament? Their names were on team sheets but they
simply never appeared. And when they did it surely wasn't the same
guys we watch week in week out. They were a disaster and did not play
any of the quality soccer they show with their respective clubs.

If it was a chance to come home and be real Africans then they
succeeded completely. From what we saw they completely killed the
hopes of an African team winning the 2010 World Cup with those native
displays. Ghana may have a chance of progressing but its a long shot.
Nigeria, Cameroon, Ivory Coast, Algeria we pray for a change of
fortunes. Maybe it was camouflage and the real performance will come
out in June. As for South Africa the hosts, that is what they are -
hosts.

Kenyans spirits were almost lifted when it became apparent that our
own MacDonald Mariga would be joining Manchester City for almost a
Kshs 1 billion transfer fee. Euphoria lit the local sports scene as
one of our one would finally be playing in the English Premier League.
Many were ready to abandon their original teams and support Mariga.
Alas that was not to be and the family move to Lavington from
Racecourse was put on hold as the British Home Office denied Mariga a
work permit on some flimsy excuse that Kenya was not in the top 70
ranked soccer nations. How ridiculous as one would ask whether they
were signing Kenya's Harambee Stars or a talent from Kenya. No wonder
Roberto Mancini was livid on Sky Sports today as he couldn't
understand how the Home Office could deny Kenya's best player a work
permit. Well Jose Mourinho at Inter Milan is having the last laugh as
he swiftly signed the Kenyan who made his debut midweek for Inter in a
1-0 win over Fiorentina. Never mind that he came on in the 89th
minute.

Kenya Rugby 7's are in Wellington, New Zealand for the IRB Sevens and
played 3 lost one to England but still qualified for the main cup
quarters where they will play Samoa tomorrow. Good luck Kenya 7's, win
the cup and make us proud. With Kayange, Injera, Ashioya, Asego, Weru
etc, who can stop Kenya? (Update: Kenya bow out in Plate Semis 26-17
to Australia. Earlier they lost 14-12 to Samoa.)

Back home we seem to be on track with the new constitution. One must
ask it is the peoples choice or the MP's choice? I just hope that
whatever the outcome Kenya will be a better place to live in free of
corruption and less insecurity. Also lets just plant more trees as we
are in dire need of forest cover. We should be at 10% and not the
current 2%.

Spare a thought for Minister Chirau Ali Mwakwere who has just lost his
parliamentary seat in an election petition. My sympathies go to his
immediate clansmen as they seem to be the only ones shedding tears at
the moment. Our national concern is whether the new ferries will
arrive in Mombasa as scheduled or that has to wait till the
by-election? The people and economy of South Coast surely deserve
better. This is the time to put somebody who will really be in charge
of the transport sector in Kenya. That madness has to be brought under
control.

See you and have a good weekend. I'm off to catch my train to Seven Sisters.

Taking You Back - Quinzone 7th January 2005

A happy new year 2005 to all you Quins out there in the Diaspora.

 

Trust you had an equally joyous and wonderful Christmas.

 

2004. The sooner we leave it behind the better.

We begun the year the on top of the mountain and ended it with 2 trophies in the cabinet (more than three quarters of the other clubs around) these being the Black Rock Trophy and the Driftwood 7's. One must say that no other Sevens team showed class, polish and finesse the way the Quins team that won the Driftwood did. A superlative performance that would have been the envy of many top international sevens sides was seen that weekend they won. Hats off to them.

 

A successful tour to Zimbabwe (a first ever) got the club off to a roaring start early in the year. Some high quality games and excellent performances by some of the new blood were positive factors that emanated from that tour.

 

Our season was one of so near yet so far. The team being so young having seen the retirements/departures of 15 players from the previous years all conquering squad fought tooth and nail in all the competitions they took part this year. Semi Finals and Finals were where we camped but the top prize just seemed to slip through our fingers. But nevertheless the boys deserve a big pat on their backs.

 

Our club coach Tom Webster Odundo added more feathers to his cap by being named the Kenya National 15's coach. (Why Quins?) We wish him all the best.

 

The singles club lost more members and curiously all from the Kondele Axis by the Lake Victoria. These were Tom Webster Ochieng Odundo, Gabriel John Ohanya Ouko and Edward Jones Kinyany Oloo. The Mt. Kenya Mafia numbers suffered a serious blow here as the "Wanjikus" were carted off to Dala, Pand Pieri, Kisumu Royale and Octopussy. Roger Akena, Kiragu Ngunya and Pedro Anampiu still carrying the singles flag. Paul Odera was last seen proposing to one F Brown?

 

Joe "Zangi"  Onsando made a welcome return back to Kenya after a two year stint in Zimbabwe. Other returnees were Charley Angawa from Yugoslavia and Oburru Charger from Cuba. Welcome back guys.

 

Gordon Argo made a couple of his traditional stopovers in Nairobi and boy o boy were those weekends great.

 

Allan Makaka one of Quins star players manage to land a successful rugby playing professional contract. We wish him all the best in the UK where he is based. (How much did we sell him for?).

 

Nicol Kabugua (way out in Perth, Australia) finally became a father of a very beautiful baby girl. Congrats boy. A long time coming indeed. Your visit here last March was appreciated. Gather that's when the seed was planted.

 

So what's in store for 2005?

 

Well the Quins dinner long overdue (again) and eagerly awaited will be on the cards.

 

The return of Quins as the dominant rugby team in Kenya is a must for this season. Lets be the TSUNAMI of Kenya Rugby

 

A more family friendly social club will definitely be in place. A fun day will be scheduled sometime later in the year. Meanwhile Barbeques will be more common and food in place.

 

The first Quiz Nite (hopefully) will be on Thursday 28th January 2005. Details will follow. But in the meantime club night is as always on THURSDAY.

 

Membership categories will reappear so be on the look out and be a bonafide Quins member (Strong, Sure and Superior categories). The fairer sex (Ladies) will be eligible for Strong as well and the kids, teens, tiny tots will be in the Sure Category. More details to follow.

 

The DSTV at the club needs a donor/sponsor who will keep it going for the year. Its important as most of the younger players prefer watching top class rugby at Quins and this will keep them here instead of them going elsewhere. Year subscription for DSTV is Ksh 72,000.

 

The club needs your presence for only seven important days this year. So please all and bring the lot be there on MONDAY< TUESDAY< WEDNESDAY < THURSDAY< FRIDAY< SATURDAY<SUNDAY.

 

Please forward ideas on monthly rewards for young players, the team and things like that (other ideas as long as within the legal limits welcome as well. This is one club that's full of lawyers). Its going to be one long season and we need to keep our boys happy all through and not risk them getting bored.

 

Anyone with suggestions on how we can harness Solar Energy to reduce some of our costs please speak out LOUDLY.

 

And among others finally we should see the start of our Ladies rugby side the Quins Queens (Double Q). A coach will be required so forward your applications ASAP and training days will be as Normal to start with. (Ken Thimba are you there?)

 

Otherwise lets have an organised and structured year. As stated earlier our aim is to be the leading 21st Century club this side of the Equator and above the Limpopo river. Attached to this QUINZONE is a message from the Chairman as well as the fixtures for 2005 so that your calendar is well organised for the year. And do forget to link into WWW.QUINS.CO.KE for useful reading and regular updates and articles.

 

Lets bring in all the Quins from far and wide back into the fold. Gather them from every hole and bring them back to the club (or at least the QUINZONE). Our enemies are sharpening their knives. We need to sharpen our claws and be ready for them. AND ENEMIES WE HAVE BIG ONES.

 

Have a good year people and all the best in 2005 to the greatest rugby club on earth. KENYA HARLEQUIN FC

 

ONCE A QUIN ALWAYS A QUIN

TO BE A QUIN IS A WAY OF LIFE

A QUIN NEVER GETS DRUNK, JUST GETS TIRED

 

Cheers People

Herbert Mwachiro... (Bomas Katiba Watch)

 

 

PS: See below other contributors for year 2005 so far.

 

Ken Mulli

 

Guys,

The following have pledged to contribute some money to enable us reach our target of Ksh. 100,000.00, which is the balance for the scrum machine;

Charles Katee Paul Nyamodi, Chris Ochieng, Peter Ocholla, Jesse Onsando, Gordon Anampiu, Phillip Ochieng, Pater Anampiu, Ken Thimba, Kiragu, Jeff Anampiu, George Kuria, E, Siganga, Andrew Waititu , Joe Onsando and Ken Muli.

The pledges we have are far from the target so we are still appealing to more members and supporters to come forward and donate something.

Cheers and see you on Thursday at the club.

 

 

This is what James Juma AB (Seychellois tourist) added..........

 

If they can sing the 'Zulu Warrior' song and strip down to their smalls at the bar, then we can have a ladies team

 

This is what Gordon Anampiu (Aspiring Formula 1 driver) had to say.......

 

LEONARD! STOCK UP THE FRIDGE. It looks like there will be hundreds of Quins

at the bar tonight!

 

Regards

Gordon Anampiu

 

This is what Betty ( Captain Quins Queens) had to say..............

 

Happy New Year to all,

What happened to the suggestion of the Quins Ladies

side?

'wanna-be flyhalf'

 

This is what Paulo (captain 2003 and 2004) had to say...............

 

Great article,

I can see the excuses I have been giving myself for

not doing this and that for the club. The article has

really got me present to what makes quins such a great

club and I remember my first year at quins and meeting

uncle jesse, oburu and papa tim. They got me so drunk

on a Thursday night that my mother wanted to kick me

out of rugby. What was even more valuable for me were

the old war stories they told about visiting teams and

I would listen wide eyed with rapt attention as they

told the same story over and over and again and I

never got tired of listening to them. I look at myself

now and see that not going to the club and training

and being with the younger members has denied quins

the invaluable experience of what makes us such a

great club. I have also missed the value of learning

from the younger members.

What quins can count on me this year is to put in the

hard hours in training and to be active in the

development of the club both on and off the pitch, to

cement what is already an open secret which is we are

the premiere rugbly club in east and central africa.

Cheers guys,

Dede

Mambo Yote - 22nd January 2010

This is a January that has not lacked drama here in Kenya. So much has happened in the three weeks since we began this decade. Firstly we crossed the new year and the powers that be as is custom promised us Kenyans many many things. Then the action began with matatus going on a three day strike that paralysed Nairobi's crude transport system. Truth of the matter is we were happy that the bad habits exhibited by matatus were nowhere to bee seen so it was blisssfully a well mannered and cultured society. That myth was strenuously shattered when as a counter measure the ' Walking Nation' ignored the matatus and everybody who had a vehicle, car and/or four wheel contraption suddenly brought them out as a countermeasure to the strike. Though the Christmas season had finished the petrol money had not???  And there began our crisis. We couldn't move at all. Nairobi had the mother of all traffic jams and it dawned on us that 90% of all cars in Kenya are actually in Nairobi. We spent hours on the road getting to our varius domiciles/residences only to start the journey back to work. There are too few roads in Nairobi and plenty cars. Even the police were shocked and had no clue how to control the traffic as it was just a gridlock of monstrous proportions. Thieves couldnt steal cars as they couldnt make clean getaways with them either. Thank heavens the matatu strike ended or they were too broke to continue and sanity and bad manners returned to our roads. We are really caught between a rock and a hard place here.

 

With one fiasco over we were reminded that the education sector in this country is one big circus as free primary education made some millionaires and suddenly once again we shockingly realised and learnt thaat not all who finish primary school will go to Form one. So where do the 400,000 Std 8 dropouts go? Do they simply vanish or do they start being socially and economically self-empowered? This is a huge number of idlers we are creating every year. Meanwhile primary school headteachers are being transfered and secondary head of schools are hawking Form 1 places. This is sad indeed as we are playing with the future of many a young Kenyan here. The Ministry of Planning decided not to release the 2009 Census results after they shockingly gathered that the population of North Eastern had increased by 140%. Surely those guys then never did a census count in Eastleigh and realised that the population of a certain neighbouring contry is decreasing by 140%.

 

Thankfully the African Cup of Nations began in the second week of January and kept the broke long suffering Kenyan of January busy. One thing former Harambeee Stars Coach Antoine Hey did us a favour is that he made sure we did not qualify otherwise we would have been seriously embarrased in Angola. We are still playing futta as those guys giants and minnows are playing 'serious soccer. Quickly we forgot about Arsenal, Chelsea, Man CityUnited, Liverpol and Spurs and dual citizenship took root as we became Ivorians, Nigerians, Ghanians, Cameroonians, Togoloese (briefly), Angolans, Zambians, Malawians and Beninese. Somehow no-one wanted to become Egyptian, Tuinisian or Algerian. I suspect it was more out of fear than anything else especially when Egypt are clinically ruthless in dispatching their opponents. Meanwhile Harambee Stars went to Yemen to play a friendly and came back with 3 goals as a free duty free gift though they managed to score one in a meaningless aimless friendly. The Africa Cup of Nations will last till people get their Januaary wages/payslips/salaries at the end of the month.

 

The Kenyan politician meanwhile is taking advantage of all those sideshows and preparing a new constitution and planning for a referendum while Kenyans are thoroughly broke and not interested as they have other serious worries on their minds. Lesson learnt here is when you want to achieve something without people noticing do it in January and you'll succeed. News in today is that both ODM and PNU have agreed on a purely Presidential system. Well done to them but only problem is that even if they agreed on a monarchy and declared Kenya a kingdom that will have a King and Queen plus a Royal Family, no-one would really have noticed till after April when they will have financially recovered and preparing for the 20110 World Cup. This would mean it would still go unnoticed until July when sanity will have returned.

 

On a more serious note our hearts bleed for the pleople of Haiti and we pray that the tragedy that befell them may be handled with the urgency and support that it deserves fromthe global focal point. The people of Haiti are in our prayers and so are the people of Kenya.

 

I will from time to time post articles that I have written years back just as way of ensuring they are shared by a wider audience and are not lost. Hope you will appreciate.

 

Cheers and stay well.

Round Up

A sad incident was to engulf the 2010 Africa Cup of Nations as gunmen attacked the bus carrying the Togo national team in the Angolan enclave of Cabinda. The attack which occured on Friday in the oil-rich enclave which has seen separatists in recent years wage an armed war against the Angolan government as indeed fatal as three people died and several were seriously injured. The Togolese players had to hide under the bus seats as their bus was under fire from the rebels. Watch Tawa condemns the attack on the inocent sportsmen and at the same time sends condolences to the families of the bereaved and wishes a speedy recovery to the injured players and officials. The trauma of the attack is not only felt by the Togo nation but by the rest of the African continent as well. Sadly the tournament will miss the presence of Emmanuel Adebayor and his Togolese teammates understandably through no fault of their own.

The western media did not waste time in engaiging in negativity as once again Africa was potrayed as the dark primitive war infested continent. There may have been a bit of naivety in the travel plans of the Togo football team but that did not warrant all the negative comments showered on them by the western media and selfish European football managers who (some of them) outrageiously called for the scrapping/cancelling of the Africa Cup of Nations 2010. If one looks at history no one recalls the 1972 Munich Olympic games being scrapped nor will the 2012 London Olympic games be cancelled despite the UK being hit by terror attacks not too long ago.

South Africa as the host of the 2010 Socccer World Cup suddenly find themselves in the unfavourable spotlight and one wonders how many security personnel will be accompanying the non-African teams to the 2010 Soccer bonanza. It will almost be the World Military Soccer Cup with private armies invading South Africa to protect their national soccer teams at all costs. Watch Tawa asks that teams to exercise restraint and let the hosts do their job with the security. I'm sure no-one wants to see the party spolit.

Soccerwise Angola fluffed a 4 goal winning margin to draw 4-4 with Mali in the tournament opener. Barcelona's Seydou Keita showed his class and later on was joined by Sevilla's Frederic Kanoute in dampening the hosts party. The home crowd were stunned but the neutrals could never have asked for a better game with 8 goals. Coach Stephen Keshi eventually managed a smile at the end of the game as his Angolan counterpart was left fuming and talking angrily to himself.

Malawi coach Kinnah Phiri could not have wished for a better start as his charges long written off in the tournament hit Algeria 3-0. Algeria who are 2010 South Africa bound were shell-shocked by the Flames who had Russel Mwafulirwa, Ivis Kafoteka and Davie Banda to thank for the goals. 26 years ago Algeria thumped Malawi 3-0 in the same competition and so what a reversal of roles it was this time.

Millionares (actually Billionaires by Kenyan standards) Didier Drogba, Salomon Kalou, Aruna Dindane, Bakary Kone, Kolo and Yaya Toure together Emmanuel Eboue could do little and failed to breakdown the resilient Burkina Faso defence with the scoreline remaining 0-0 at the end. Not the start the Ivorians wanted.

On the local rugby front Kenya Harlequin Wazee thumped the Kenya Harlequin Vijana 40-33 in an exciting game at the RFUEA grounds over the weekend. The game officially marked Quins entry into the 2010 season. Veterans Ham Onsando, Edward Kinyany, Peter Ochola and Thomas Odundo taught the youngsters a lesson or two in the lovely oval ball game of rugby. The next encounter is an eagerly awaited one and the many months we wait will definitely not be in vain. The party that followed was well attended and executed. Law breakers were absent but heart breakers were plenty.

The Kenya Sevens team are preparing for the next two rounds of the IRB Sevens in Wellington and Las Vegas. Watch Tawa wishes them well and encourages them to continue carrying the Kenya rugby flag high. I hope the two guys I met at Rafiki's on Saturday night made it back to the camp in good time before the coach woke up to find them missing.

The local rugby season kicks off on the 23rd of January with the Impala Floodlit and good luck to all the teams taking part.

News just in Manchester City 4 Blackburn 1. City leapfrog my team Tottenham and now sit in fourth place.(Not good not good). Carlos Tevez with hat-trick. The boy is in a rich vein of form.

Congratulations to Henry Emuye for being re-elected Chairman KCB Rugby. Congrats to Mathare United for their landmark Kshs 20 million annual soccer sponsorship received from KDN. And finally congratulations to all the Kenyan swimmers who have raked in 10medals so far at the ongoing African Swimming Confederation (CANA) Zone 3 and 4 competition in Nairobi.

Kenya Harlequin Rugby : Wazee vs Vijana

Happy New Year to all the Quins Family and Friends and the wider rugby fraternity.

I take this opportunity to wish you all a prosperous new year ahead in Sure, Strong and Superior style.

Continuing where we left off from last year we say

Once a Quin Always a Quin
To be a Quin is a Way of life

On behalf of the Technical Committee your all invited to a Wazee vs Vijana game this Saturday 9th january 2010. Fans are most welcome and players it is mandatory. Age aint nothing but a number.

Day Program:

We intend to start at

1.oopm with a Technical session

3.00pm Wazee vs Vijana game

4.30pm Debrief plus players meal

NB: Players old and new to carry passport photographs!

Night Program

Finishing the little money left for those who dont pay school fees and for the ones who pay we wait for the others to order a round and then we shout our orders too.

See you there.

Happy New Year 2010 : Orange Africa Cup of Nations

Happy New Year to all from Nairobi, Kenya and its another year full of soccer action. This year sees more focus on Africa especially with the 2010 Soccer World Cup taking place right here on the continent. But before that the Orange Africa Cup of Nations starts this month from the 10th to the 31st of January. Africa's finest footballers will be strutting their wares in Angola and sadly Kenya will be missing though not for lack of trying but more so from the cancer of soccer mismanagement that has plagued us for years gone by.

Didier Drogba, Kolo Toure, Samuel E'too and other top African professionals plying their trade in European leagues will be having their dress rehearsals for the World Cup in Angola. Passions will rise and tears will flow but the winner this year will be African Soccer which is gaining more prominence globally and ruffling top European managers who feel that the African Cup of Nations is wrongly placed in the international fixture calendar. Gladly for that FIFA are not listening for now.

The groups in Angola are:

GROUP A: ANGOLA, MALI, MALAWI, ALGERIA

GROUP B: COTE D'IVOIRE, BURKINA FASO, GHANA, TOGO

GROUP C: EGYPT, NIGERIA, MOZAMBIQUE, BENIN

GROUP D: CAMEROON, GABON, ZAMBIA, TUNISIA

Favourites may turn out to be Cote D'Ivoire, Egypt, Ghana and Cameroon. Dark horses will be Angola, Nigeria and Tunisia. Shock Pullers could be Zambia, Algeria and Togo.

That all promises exciting times ahead with the only regret being that East Africa will be sorely missing but not really being missed. This needs to change. Are the soccer administrators listening and do the wider stakeholders really care?

My money is on Cameroon so Indomitable Lions don't let me down.