Only in Africa are things done in the African way. I want to briefly focus on 5 African presidents who are standouts in their own way.
Nigeria - Umaru YarÁdua. The current original existing Nigerian President. Hasn't said a word or been seen in months. Took off to Saudi Arabia for medical treatment four months ago and allegedly sneaked back to Nigeria 4 weeks ago. Nobody has seen him including the acting present visible President Goodluck Jonathan. With a name like that he definitely needs all the luck he can get.
Sudan - Omar Bashir. This is one real tough cowboy as long as he is within the confines of Sudan. Currently on the ICC watchlist with a warrant of arrest on his head, he is facing modest opposition in the April general elections. However his focus seems to be the election monitors whom he has told he will cut off their fingers if they interfere with the elections. Imagine not having fingers to make a phone call in Sudan. Try and arrest him.
South Africa - Jacob Zuma a.k.a JayZee. The ultimate male multi-tasking machine. 5 official wives, the presidency, 2010 World Cup coming in June, JayZee one would have thought has his hands full but amazingly he is still engaged to another fiancee. The (closet) role model for many an African man when does he get time to run the country? Nobody dares ask him whether he is coming home for dinner and what time he came home or whether he has had a shower.
Zimbabwe - Robert Mugabe the ultimate defender of the oppressed depressed Zimbabwean and African people. He is the one who has defied all odds. Sanctions don't hurt him or bite him. Still in power and Morgan Tsvangirai believes he is power-sharing? Bob has indicated that he is willing to answer the call of the Zimbabwean people and stand yet again as president. Firmly in control of army, police and prisons, how can he lose an election?
Libya - Muammar Gadafffi. He is the King of Kings and unofficial President of the USAf (United States of Africa). Did not want to relinquish the AU presidency which is held on a 12 month term but finally relinquished it in a huff after being told NO by other leaders. For someone with ambitions of being President/King of Africa the advise he gave Nigeria on how to solve their tribal/religious clashes was shocking. He asked that the country be split into two - christian Nigeria and moslem Nigeria. Talk about African Unity. (Has nice bodyguards though.)
And finally who is this Makmende that everybody is talking about? I dare say Makmende for President in 2012.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Mambo Yote – 10th March 2010
I must apologise for not having penned my thoughts in a while but the month of February actually went much faster than I would have imagined. The 28 days allocated to it were effectively used up completely. Nevertheless I will attempt to do a brief on the month itself.
Heroes
My heroes of the month happened to be sportsmen and with good reason. Congratulations and well done to the Kenya Rugby 7’s team for such an outstanding performance yet again during their IRB rugby tours in Wellington and Las Vegas. It was in Vegas that they actually stole the show getting to the semi-finals after having beaten England in one of the grittiest matches they have ever played. With hundreds of Kenyans (legal and illegal status) watching them live in the stadium they played world-class rugby yet again. Those of us who remained back home for lack of airfare to Vegas were kept watching on telly the whole night and we too were jetlagged by the time Monday morning reached. Personally I slept the whole of Monday just to enable me recover for the week. Many others I know were in the same boat.
AFC Leopards SC and Sofapaka FC also joined my list of February heroes as they brought a glimmer of hope that Kenyan soccer is down but not really completely out. AFC thumped some Ethiopian team 3-1 at home and it was good to see a Kenyan soccer team winning an international match. Sofapaka (or Sofameeauw or Sofapussy as some Gor fans would say) also showed some promise as they held Egyptian giants Ismailia to a nil-nil draw in Nairobi. For a new young team they did well. Last year Gor Mahia was beaten at home 5-0 and Mathare were done the same 2-1. So this is definitely a big improvement.
MacDonald Mariga captured our minds as he became the hottest Kenyan soccer property on the market as Manchester City sought to sign him. In the end he went to Inter-Milan where he quickly settled into the team. World class players we have here in Kenya. They just don’t get an opportunity to market themselves properly due to the constant wrangling of the soccer authorities here. (Is anybody listening?) MacDonald all the best mate as you take the Kenyan soccer dream higher and higher. At least we shall be privileged to have a Kenyan playing in the Champions league even if it’s on the bench.
The Kenyan athletes who continue globetrotting around the globe and winning road races everywhere we continue to salute you. The Kipkeyeye, Kipkemimi and Kipkesomebody continue to confound and astound as they keep showing the rest a clean player of heels. I’m sure the other foreign runners in their minds are cursing and shouting ‘Mulika Mkenya na shika yeye’.
Politicians too get a brief pat and this time it is to the PSC committee on Constitutional Affairs. They went to Naivasha argued for seven days and drank for seven nights but in the end they did come up with a common stand and Constitutional draft document which they agreed and smiled in front of the cameras with their hangovers. For that they join the group of heroes and heroines and only for those seven days which they were accountable to the public. After that they all went and disowned parts of the document they agreed upon and normal service had resumed.
The last group of heroes and heroines is the Kenyan mwananchi for his continuous resilience. Being a Kenyan is not easy as you have to keep up with a lot of crap that happens around us. From circus performances of politicians and their ilk, traffic police who are counting stars during the day and letting traffic in Nairobi be the worst nightmare during the day you can endure and of course PSV drivers in matatus, City Hoppas, KBS and other private carriers as well as survive the Likoni ferry daily. If you can endure all that and at the same time continue paying high taxes then you my friend are a true hero/heroine of Kenya.
Villains
I will try and not dwell too much on the villains as they bring out negative energy but the first are matatus and traffic policemen. These two birds of a feather are driving Nairobians nuts with their bad manners. They are both a high contributor to the incessant traffic jams we are experiencing 24 hours a day in Nairobi. Surely something must be done about this as it is ridiculous to be sitting in a vehicle for more than 4 hours everyday and going nowhere.
Still on traffic matters the other lot are the careless drivers who caused a lot grief on the highways and we saw unfortunately plenty lives lost. Yes you got it PSV drivers and the lorry driver cousins worked hard at this in February. Tragically many lives were sadly lost. This is a cancer that collectively must be eradicated. Road Safety is paramount. No bets for guessing which ministry this is.
G4S were at it again and this time nobody really knows how much went as it was just too much money. At last count it was at least Ksh 300 million (exchange rate $1 – Ksh 76). Surely there must be something seriously amiss with the employment policy of that organisation. They must be the newest and quickest pyramid scheme in Kenya. The usual jokes are out of course ‘Ponyoka na Millioni’, ‘Gone 4 Sure’, ‘Gone in 4 Seconds’, etc, etc. Some of the fellows involved have been arrested after having bought new fridges, plasmas, mekos, slippers and furniture in one go and all in cash. These guys really don’t have ideas. They can plan but have no clue how to spend or go underground. For starters you don’t go to your rural home to hide. The system is so efficient (yes it works) and the local sub-chief will smoke you out and make life hell together with his AP’s for your clansmen. Mind you G4S are still recruiting everyday.
AFC Leopards successfully manage to be here too. Three days to travelling to Ethiopia they suddenly discover that half their players don’t have passports, birth certificates and other identification documents. They go ahead and fire 3 of their five coaches (too many coaches) and suddenly don’t have a training ground. This only happens in Kenya unfortunately. The outcome is they however made it to Ethiopia and were dumped out 3-0.
High Drama Moments of the Month and beyond
These are never short here in Kenya. Entertainment by politicians and some religious type people have filled our plates to the brim.
Firstly my fellow coastal Chirau Ali Mwakwere lost his seat as an MP and all sides of the divide had plenty to say on this. Some rejoiced, some cried as the flag was lost and some simply said good riddance. My own opinion I will keep to myself but all I know is the new Likoni ferries have not yet arrived from Germany. Chirau did not (and has not) gone down fighting. He continued being the Minister even after being declared a non-MP and went ahead to dismiss the KPA MD. When you go down you don’t go alone, you drag someone with you in the mud and this he did in style.
The Ruto-Ongeri circus provided more drama as high level jabs were thrown around with each side flexing its political muscle. By the time the dust settled the two Principals were busy doing other stuff and you and I tax-payers were left wondering what was going on here. Everybody is still in office and life goes on. Ongeri released the Form 4 results where there were cheers and tears across the country. Ruto continued and maize in the country is plentiful.
I never watched Tusker Project Fame so I had no clue who Joseph Hellon was until this February. A saxophonist and a church leader I am told he led (or leads) a high-level celeb church in Runda and his biggest prize, I mean disciple is one Ester Arunga. This pretty lady used to liven the screens reading 9pm news and is quite articulate. Whatever drama that happened in their church only they themselves know but they have provided us with a soap opera never seen before in Kenya in a long time. Even Jeff Koinange was a distant second in this drama. Hellon a.k.a. Nimrod Onyango Omondi and Ester are living some high (believe me high) lifestyle and they have dropped some serious names as their acquaintances e.g. Larry King, Tiger Woods, Colin Powell, Sarah Palin, Benny Hinn and Pepsi. Their other acquaintance and now we hear Ester’s husband is one Quincy Zuma Wambiti Timberlake a.k.a Fizzle Dogg. This is not a program on telly but ‘Days of Our Lives’ made in Runda. You don’t get bored when these three are around. What is the knockout punch is that Hellon (Omosh) and Ester Timberlake want to be President and Vice-President come 2012. The name of their party? The PLACENTA Party. Why that name? Because Kenya is in a gestation period.
And with that I close my article for today. Have a blessed week and I do hope to pen something again soon.
Heroes
My heroes of the month happened to be sportsmen and with good reason. Congratulations and well done to the Kenya Rugby 7’s team for such an outstanding performance yet again during their IRB rugby tours in Wellington and Las Vegas. It was in Vegas that they actually stole the show getting to the semi-finals after having beaten England in one of the grittiest matches they have ever played. With hundreds of Kenyans (legal and illegal status) watching them live in the stadium they played world-class rugby yet again. Those of us who remained back home for lack of airfare to Vegas were kept watching on telly the whole night and we too were jetlagged by the time Monday morning reached. Personally I slept the whole of Monday just to enable me recover for the week. Many others I know were in the same boat.
AFC Leopards SC and Sofapaka FC also joined my list of February heroes as they brought a glimmer of hope that Kenyan soccer is down but not really completely out. AFC thumped some Ethiopian team 3-1 at home and it was good to see a Kenyan soccer team winning an international match. Sofapaka (or Sofameeauw or Sofapussy as some Gor fans would say) also showed some promise as they held Egyptian giants Ismailia to a nil-nil draw in Nairobi. For a new young team they did well. Last year Gor Mahia was beaten at home 5-0 and Mathare were done the same 2-1. So this is definitely a big improvement.
MacDonald Mariga captured our minds as he became the hottest Kenyan soccer property on the market as Manchester City sought to sign him. In the end he went to Inter-Milan where he quickly settled into the team. World class players we have here in Kenya. They just don’t get an opportunity to market themselves properly due to the constant wrangling of the soccer authorities here. (Is anybody listening?) MacDonald all the best mate as you take the Kenyan soccer dream higher and higher. At least we shall be privileged to have a Kenyan playing in the Champions league even if it’s on the bench.
The Kenyan athletes who continue globetrotting around the globe and winning road races everywhere we continue to salute you. The Kipkeyeye, Kipkemimi and Kipkesomebody continue to confound and astound as they keep showing the rest a clean player of heels. I’m sure the other foreign runners in their minds are cursing and shouting ‘Mulika Mkenya na shika yeye’.
Politicians too get a brief pat and this time it is to the PSC committee on Constitutional Affairs. They went to Naivasha argued for seven days and drank for seven nights but in the end they did come up with a common stand and Constitutional draft document which they agreed and smiled in front of the cameras with their hangovers. For that they join the group of heroes and heroines and only for those seven days which they were accountable to the public. After that they all went and disowned parts of the document they agreed upon and normal service had resumed.
The last group of heroes and heroines is the Kenyan mwananchi for his continuous resilience. Being a Kenyan is not easy as you have to keep up with a lot of crap that happens around us. From circus performances of politicians and their ilk, traffic police who are counting stars during the day and letting traffic in Nairobi be the worst nightmare during the day you can endure and of course PSV drivers in matatus, City Hoppas, KBS and other private carriers as well as survive the Likoni ferry daily. If you can endure all that and at the same time continue paying high taxes then you my friend are a true hero/heroine of Kenya.
Villains
I will try and not dwell too much on the villains as they bring out negative energy but the first are matatus and traffic policemen. These two birds of a feather are driving Nairobians nuts with their bad manners. They are both a high contributor to the incessant traffic jams we are experiencing 24 hours a day in Nairobi. Surely something must be done about this as it is ridiculous to be sitting in a vehicle for more than 4 hours everyday and going nowhere.
Still on traffic matters the other lot are the careless drivers who caused a lot grief on the highways and we saw unfortunately plenty lives lost. Yes you got it PSV drivers and the lorry driver cousins worked hard at this in February. Tragically many lives were sadly lost. This is a cancer that collectively must be eradicated. Road Safety is paramount. No bets for guessing which ministry this is.
G4S were at it again and this time nobody really knows how much went as it was just too much money. At last count it was at least Ksh 300 million (exchange rate $1 – Ksh 76). Surely there must be something seriously amiss with the employment policy of that organisation. They must be the newest and quickest pyramid scheme in Kenya. The usual jokes are out of course ‘Ponyoka na Millioni’, ‘Gone 4 Sure’, ‘Gone in 4 Seconds’, etc, etc. Some of the fellows involved have been arrested after having bought new fridges, plasmas, mekos, slippers and furniture in one go and all in cash. These guys really don’t have ideas. They can plan but have no clue how to spend or go underground. For starters you don’t go to your rural home to hide. The system is so efficient (yes it works) and the local sub-chief will smoke you out and make life hell together with his AP’s for your clansmen. Mind you G4S are still recruiting everyday.
AFC Leopards successfully manage to be here too. Three days to travelling to Ethiopia they suddenly discover that half their players don’t have passports, birth certificates and other identification documents. They go ahead and fire 3 of their five coaches (too many coaches) and suddenly don’t have a training ground. This only happens in Kenya unfortunately. The outcome is they however made it to Ethiopia and were dumped out 3-0.
High Drama Moments of the Month and beyond
These are never short here in Kenya. Entertainment by politicians and some religious type people have filled our plates to the brim.
Firstly my fellow coastal Chirau Ali Mwakwere lost his seat as an MP and all sides of the divide had plenty to say on this. Some rejoiced, some cried as the flag was lost and some simply said good riddance. My own opinion I will keep to myself but all I know is the new Likoni ferries have not yet arrived from Germany. Chirau did not (and has not) gone down fighting. He continued being the Minister even after being declared a non-MP and went ahead to dismiss the KPA MD. When you go down you don’t go alone, you drag someone with you in the mud and this he did in style.
The Ruto-Ongeri circus provided more drama as high level jabs were thrown around with each side flexing its political muscle. By the time the dust settled the two Principals were busy doing other stuff and you and I tax-payers were left wondering what was going on here. Everybody is still in office and life goes on. Ongeri released the Form 4 results where there were cheers and tears across the country. Ruto continued and maize in the country is plentiful.
I never watched Tusker Project Fame so I had no clue who Joseph Hellon was until this February. A saxophonist and a church leader I am told he led (or leads) a high-level celeb church in Runda and his biggest prize, I mean disciple is one Ester Arunga. This pretty lady used to liven the screens reading 9pm news and is quite articulate. Whatever drama that happened in their church only they themselves know but they have provided us with a soap opera never seen before in Kenya in a long time. Even Jeff Koinange was a distant second in this drama. Hellon a.k.a. Nimrod Onyango Omondi and Ester are living some high (believe me high) lifestyle and they have dropped some serious names as their acquaintances e.g. Larry King, Tiger Woods, Colin Powell, Sarah Palin, Benny Hinn and Pepsi. Their other acquaintance and now we hear Ester’s husband is one Quincy Zuma Wambiti Timberlake a.k.a Fizzle Dogg. This is not a program on telly but ‘Days of Our Lives’ made in Runda. You don’t get bored when these three are around. What is the knockout punch is that Hellon (Omosh) and Ester Timberlake want to be President and Vice-President come 2012. The name of their party? The PLACENTA Party. Why that name? Because Kenya is in a gestation period.
And with that I close my article for today. Have a blessed week and I do hope to pen something again soon.
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